Good days turn to black holes... :/

If I had written in this journal this morning, it would have been on a very happy note. I would tell about how I love my curves and I would hate to be a stick. I would be happy about my starting school in 2 weeks and that I think my attitude is changing. I would be ecstatic about life and everything in it.  Unfortunately it’s no longer the morning, and my attitude has changed. It’s like this a lot recently. I don’t know if I just force this great attitude into my mind when I’m around people, but I actually believe what I tell myself at the time. If I were to hear what I said now, I’d laugh. I have dramatic changes in thought within the day. It’s not every day, but it was today… Yesterday Mama, Jeffrey, Halley, Sara, and I all went to JSU so I could pick up my parking sticker and my text books. To begin with, my dad was going with me, then my mom decided to go with me, but she woke up late and didn’t go shopping when she said she was, so I offered to drive with just the four of us friends. She considered it, and while I was planning that, she up and tells me maybe we should wait until another day. This made me break down completely. I don’t know what happened but I can’t handle changes of plans. We did end up going with my mom and I drove up there (in the rain I might add—quite proud of myself).  My mom criticizes me so much. I don’t think she knows what little things mean to me. I actually wanted to cry over something she said in the car. Jeffrey made a joke so I started to “laugh” and my tears were luckily misinterpreted as tears of laughter. That’s the first time I’ve cried in front of my friends. It was actually really hard to play it off as tears of laughter, considering my smile wanted to keep forming a frown, and I would have to adjust it. I don’t know what I would have done if Jeffrey hadn’t made that joke. I feel like he is my best friend. I have another best friend, Kaitlin, who has been with me through a lot, but I haven’t ever told her my true deep down emotions. I don’t mean to put Kaitlin out, but I feel like Jeffrey is a better friend sometimes… I don’t tell him everything either, but I think I’ve told him more. I think I’m just going to sit here and cry for a few minutes…